things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
