One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
