just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
