oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
there is puke in my bra ... again
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