afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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