I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
