Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
