Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
