Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
