i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
