party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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