my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would ride that face into the sunset
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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