margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
