Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize