new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
