I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
