I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
