Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
