he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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