i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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