you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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