We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
