Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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