It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
