Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
