she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
that may or may not have been my penis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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