Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize