Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
