Just fell off a train. Bad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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