this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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