never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
