Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
