i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
