I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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