I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
