I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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