what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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