thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
