Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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