my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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