He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
