I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize