She's JV to your varsity
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
