"it" just moved
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
ttyl tear gas
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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