singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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