i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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