i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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