dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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