6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
