He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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