don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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