I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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