a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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