dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
