i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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