I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize